One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
