my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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