I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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