pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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