you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize