let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
