Yo dont text me then not text me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize