i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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