i just google imaged poop.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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