I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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