Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
