So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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