Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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