Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
