Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
