When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
