I just saw a hot homeless man
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
