I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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