i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
