the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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