Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
