If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
