Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
