Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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