i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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