you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
