Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
