I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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