Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
