god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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