Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Blood and glitter go together right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
