My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
