1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
