I puked a lego.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
