my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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