oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
