i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
