She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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