At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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