i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
