I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My breasts were aching with rage.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
