do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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