By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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