Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
