Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
