i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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