it hurts more in the daytime
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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