If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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