my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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