Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
