I wish my penis had an off switch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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