My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
