I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
