if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
