Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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