I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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