i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
