That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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