She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
what day is it and did you see me today?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pants are for mortals
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
