Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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