Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
