dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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