4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
zippers are such a cool invention
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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