You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
