If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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