I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
