if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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