i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
