1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
