i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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