i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
