im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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