I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
