ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
