This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
