i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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