i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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