yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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