I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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