Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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