Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
