i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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