Betty ford says i'm here all night
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
