I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
