I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
