I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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