friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
