She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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