9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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