True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
