...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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