i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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