I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
