im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he shaved USA in his pubs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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