Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
