Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
