Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
