I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
