i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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