Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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