Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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