He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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